Sexual incompatibility: how to overcome it?

For some couples, the frolics are far from being hot. The alchemy of bodies is not at the rendezvous! The signs of sexual incompatibility are often perceptible from the beginning, sometimes they declare themselves later. In some cases, it can be overcome. The point with sexologist Valerie Doyen.

Sexual incompatibility: how to overcome it?
Sexual incompatibility: how to overcome it?

” It is the perfect man, but in bed, I feel absolutely nothing ” confides Martine. ” His hands do not make any difference, ” admits Nadia. ” It is beautiful, but it does not excite me, ” says Patrick. Sexual incompatibility is distinguished by an absence of sensations, a disagreement both physically and psychically. Frequencies and fantasies are too different, then bringing a big erotic vacuum. ” For some couples, the sexual connection is not made, as if the partner was not eroticized, the peak of excitement does not rise, ” comments the sexologist Valerie Doyen. The sexual encounter does not take place.

Most often, from the first embraces, the partners feel whether the current passes or not. ” There is a kind of body alchemy, which can be independent of feelings elsewhere, ” our expert says. A simple kiss can tell a lot about sexual compatibility. When this skin-to-skin agreement is there, it significantly increases the excitement and pleasure, without there being any effort to be made. Both partners are in phase.

Sexual Compatibility: Codes of Attraction

Several factors take into account the sexual attraction between two people, indicating their compatibility.

” One can be attracted visually by a build, hands that put the senses in emotion …” details Valerie Doyen. Physics plays an important part, and for some, buttocks, breasts, the mouth is all powerful triggers of libido.

However, we do not live the majority of our time totally naked, and the style with the messages it carries can tickle in others, neurons charged with erotic function. ” An encounter in the swimsuit on the beach can arouse an excitement that will disappear during a dressed appointment” illustrates Valerie Doyen.

In the register of codes of attraction, charm also arrives in pole position: the tone of the voice, the look, the smile, the way to move, are all factors of eroticization.

The doors of entry to “check” our sexual compatibility, are therefore many. ” We already have the information, well before we go to the act, ” says the sexologist.

Sexual incompatibility: multiple causes

The conflict can take several faces, and manifest for different reasons. Some are hardly insurmountable; others deserve that partners seek a more compatible, erotic path.


The passionate phase with the ardor and sexual passion of the beginning is not to go for everyone. For some, sexual incompatibility develops from the start. The feelings are there, but not excitement or pleasure.

How to overcome it: The alchemy of the bodies is a real mystery, which can then be cultivated in time, if it is attenuated. ” However finding this track when the spark did not show up, is a bit of a miracle, ” warns Valerie Doyen. If the couple is uninterested in sexuality, the relationship is based on other shared values; then the incompatibility may not be an obstacle. Otherwise, it must be realized that the mere notion of effort will not solve the problem.


The conflict may relate to sexual modalities that do not agree. Excitation motors are unique to each. It may happen that, over time, expectations diverge and some practices are not acceptable. Sometimes a refusal to deal with requests for fellatio or sodomy can nurture the bed of the incompatibility that will settle.

How to overcome it: At first we will have to find compromises. Start by listing everyone’s expectations and then do a little personal survey. How far is that acceptable? Why is this not possible? What’s at stake? ” It is not a matter of forcing oneself, but rather of exploring what can be put in place to reduce frustration and find a way of compatibility,” says the sexologist. In the end, there is the possibility of an enrichment of sexuality.


” The pitfall, no doubt, the most common ” deplores Valerie Doyen. Many couples are unfortunately confronted. Between children, fatigue, stress … women are not always available to respond to a sexual demand perceived as too frequent by their partner. When the refusal systematizes, the frustration becomes chronic and gives way to a form of incompatibility. This is never the right time, the tempo no longer agree.

How to overcome it: There is no ideal frequency! In this case, the incompatibility is punctual. If the initial spark was present, when the gap widens, there are opportunities to reconnect with sexual compatibility. ” Penetration is not the only erotic way of the couple, other tracks like caresses, bad games, fine meals, massages, can put in the way of sensoriality, so that pleasure and desire take to New step on the difficulty! “Assures our expert.



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