Can a marriage without sex work?
With time, is it normal to have less sex?
First, we find love, then we marry and then live a period of satisfying sexuality. Subsequently, the frequency of our sexual activities decreases’ it may even happen that we completely stopped making love. Your husband turns your back to your bed. You are lying beside him, wanting to keep quiet and asking if this is normal. Time passes. You begin to be interested in other men. You are a couple, but you sleep alone. You are planning to leave it but ultimately choose to stay. After all, it’s still your best friend, and your relationship is flourishing in many ways. Are you happy, though?

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Can a marriage without sex work?
Can a marriage without sex work?

Marriages without sexual intercourse are more common than one might think, and many of them are gay unions. You may be one of these couples and not having sex does not necessarily cause you problems.

Stop it! You may say, ‘Are sexual relations not the basis for judging whether a relationship is fulfilling? For a specialist in sexual relations and relationships, replying in the negative might seem a heresy when it is not necessarily so.

As a psychologist and sexologist, I approach with people their sex life, a difficult subject, even taboo. I always say that when couples do not agree about their sex life, it can cause problems. It is important to talk about any disagreement and whether you both want sexual passion to be a priority. However, in my experience, I can say that if people are ashamed to talk about their sex lives, they are even more reluctant to admit that they have no sex life and that they are doing well. For some couples, sexual activity doesn’t matter, and they should stop worrying about it.

The notion of “normality” must be called into question.

A marriage without sex has no single definition. For some experts, an asexual union ranges from the total absence of relationships to less than ten contacts per year. Researchers estimate that between 10% and 20% of North American couples are entirely asexual. In fact, it is difficult to accurately determine the number of happy couples who have little or no sex because, as Vancouver sex therapist Bianca Rucker points out, experts hear only those who are dissatisfied. As part of my practice, I have treated couples of all ages who have not had sex for a year, several years or even decades.

We must admit that we live in a world where we want everything, right away (or better, yesterday): love, sex, formidable children, rewarding employment and a body that remains eternally firm. Society harasses us by presenting us with sexual imagery, convincing us unconsciously that all others copulate like rabbits and that we are failures if we are different. But let us think a little. Originally, sexual activity was a game for young people whose goal was procreation and enjoyment and which was replaced by other businesses as people got older. In fact, it is normal that with time, the sexual appetite diminishes.

Couples who seek help to solve a problem of lack of sex believe they want to have a sexual passion. Some only find love because they believe they are “supposed” to desire it. If you have little or no sex with your partner, ask yourself if you want to make changes to your situation. Perhaps that is not the case. I often encounter patients who are relieved to learn that having a low-intensity sexual life is not necessarily a problem.

Whether they are married or single, some people have low libido; They may want things to change or accommodate themselves entirely. Is a low libido, however, a psychological disorder to be solved? According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, sexual inappreciability is indeed a disorder. However, according to experts in the field, one should only talk about trouble when the problem causes distress or disruption. In other words, if your low libido does not bother you, whether you are single or live with someone who accepts the situation, you have no problem. Most people who say no to sex and leave sexual activities, however, continue to have strong and typical human needs regarding contact, cuddles and close emotional ties; They simply do not associate sexual activity with happiness.

If the sexual activity of your couple is not intense, you fall into one of three categories:

1. You both want to wake up your libido.

If you both want the sexual activity to be part of your relationship again and if you want to rekindle the fire of your sex life, it is possible to find the passion with the help of a therapist. It is important to understand, however, that it will be difficult, if possible, to revive love after an extended period of sexual abstinence. To initiate the process, you might decide to consider your sex life as a hobby, and you reserve time to make love. If the solution can be simple for some (a couple I worked with decided to put a lock on the door of his room and found that they were far more daring with the assurance that their children could not surprise them! ), for others,

2. One of your couple’s partners suffers from abstinence.

If you are satisfied with the situation, it is important to check with your partner if it is the same. Talk about the topic gently. Once the taboo is put on the table, if you decide to keep things as they are, the thorny issue can remain, even be tame. If it is possible that one of you sometimes suffers from the situation, you will also realize that your marriage gives you both many advantages. In other words, making love and having a good relationship do not necessarily go hand in hand, and you can decide that abstinence, or even abstinence, is a compromise to a partnership that is very fulfilling in many other respects. If, however, one of you admits that he is in intimate contact, You will have to find solutions other than sexual to solve the problem. For example, do you try to get closer and get yourself physical pleasure? I worked with a couple whose partners would massage each other to create a physical bond.

3. Abstinence does not cause you any problems at all.

You belong to the third category if not having sex is not a major challenge for both of you. Your libido has weakened naturally over time, or maybe you have never been very attracted to your spouse on a sexual level. After all, people unite for multiple complex reasons, not just to make love.

As Bianca Rucker says: “There is nothing wrong with not having sex. If sexual activity is a very particular component of marriage, some couples may be very close to one another and feel affection without making love. ”

In the end, love is a very personal concept. Whether you are very or moderately sexually active or prefer hugs and abstinence, being both happy is what matters. You just have to find different ways to love yourself.

We recommend reading the article: Why men say no to sex: 6 unrecognized reasons

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