Men: their advice to seduce them (and much more!)- Here, no question of false instructions. Just real men’s words, which enlighten us on what makes them vibrate, laugh, stay … In short, we love!
Every man is different
When we asked Saverio Tomasella, psychoanalyst *, to give us his best advice to seduce a man, he (very gently) reprimanded us: “To seduce, in psychoanalysis, is to force the hand. I prefer the words to please or charm. In other words, highlight … without trying to manipulate the other. For example, by trying to follow a manual that does not exist anyway, since we are all unique.
“To each man his tastes and his models: his mother, his sister, his schoolmistress, his very first love … It is often the women who marked his childhood, the first that pleased him. One speaks of “attraction by the memory”: a color of hair, perfume, a pure intonation can reactivate it.
For the rest, he will be seduced by a woman with whom he feels safe, “continues our expert. By a vivifying and new relationship made of little things that do everything … or the defeat. To find out more, we asked four men to tell us, for them, what these little things were. O, surprise, our witnesses have quite a lot of similarities, which Saverio Tomasella decrypts for us.
To make them laugh
Hugo, 25, student: “With me, she can be a very” second degree,” and even a little naughty! That means we are comfortable enough to get the ball back. ”
Gilles, 42, engineer: “I like the confrontation: a woman who has the respondent, the day to go (with me as with the others) will make me smile.
Vincent, 54, photographer: “The one who makes me share her making off makes me laugh: she describes the efforts she makes to seduce and laugh. Like being depilated the jersey even if it makes her suffer! ”
Alain, 50, taxi driver: “I have trouble with the clowns. A girl who makes her show in front of others, it lacks elegance. The tongue-in-cheek makes me much more effect, this humor gives him an enigmatic side. ”
The opinion of the shrink: “It is not necessary to have a humor stripping. Making a smile, on the other hand, is important. Being in a good mood, sparkling, is already very good! And above all, to be able to relax it, to de-dramatize situations. Women tend to think of men as stronger than they really are. However, this one can be impressionable, restrained by the fear of committing odd ones. As for caustic humor, it must be handled with caution: in some, it might arouse the feeling of being judged, even despised.
To retain them
Hugo: “All except silence! I prefer her to verbalize, to express her desires, her needs, but also her feelings: what she likes in our relationship, what she likes to me. ”
Gilles: “She must be in love … and able to show it. Through a look, gestures … whatever. What matters is that I feel it! “.
Vincent: “I need her not to respect my freedom (when I’m with someone, I’m not a free man), but my autonomy. And also that she make love to me as on the first day! ”
Alain: “Let her be independent. I must feel that she does not need me to move forward in her life, let alone manage it. May she live her passions, her friendships … and let me live mine! ”
The opinion of the shrink: “In the majority of cases, the best way to retain a man … is to let him go. Not with another woman, of course, but for example with his friends on Saturday afternoon, to play soccer. Even if it ruins your day! If he can do what he loves apart from his wife, he will enjoy returning to her. Obviously, if he abuses, you can react. By proposing, little by little, common activities (more sexuality, cinema sessions …). Everything but complaints! ”
To support them
Hugo: “I need her to listen to me, without necessarily trying to give me answers. Let her describe what distresses me or makes me suffer. She can also share her experience with me. ”
Gilles: “She must be present … but not too intrusive! I need it to let me breathe in the most difficult moments to manage. Ideally, she would guess a little when I need her or not. ”
Vincent: “I do not expect her to advise me absolutely. Whether she’s just sitting next to me, it’s sometimes as simple (and efficient) as that! “.
Alain: “To put it mildly, I prefer to rely on my friends in case of worry. When it comes from her, I feel judged. Insufficient. ”
The opinion of the psychologist: “In the case of real difficulties, it is a matter of accompanying the other: ask him questions without requiring answers, suggest ways for him to think … And if he is grounded in pride? Leave it alone, accept that it is silent … and that your support will pass by other attentions: a good little dish, a relaxing massage … ”
To make them dream
Hugo: “I like that she keeps a share of mystery. An unfinished phrase, an enigmatic smile … it can make me thrust thoroughly! ”
Gilles: “The inaccessible woman can make me dream! It is the one who is interested in me, while making me understand that she is not available, that there is an obstacle between her and me. ”
Vincent: “If she wants me to dream, she can invite me on vacation to the other side of the world! I will tell myself that she is a generous woman, who is not with me out of interest. ”
Alain: “Let her try to embark on the craziest projects! Even if they will never be realized … ”
The opinion of the shrink: “To dream to two requires to be in a harmonious relationship: to really take interest in the dreams of the other, and to see how to realize them. If this is impossible, there is nothing to prevent them from being spoken of. The idea is above all to re-enchant the everyday life!
To make them speak
Hugo: “With me, just not much! I give myself up quickly; I assume pretty well my feelings. The condition: have confidence in it. ”
Gilles: “The one who reveals himself, who talks to me about his feelings, his experience, will necessarily make me want to talk”
Vincent: “If she wants me to surrender, she must surrender herself! “.
Alain: “I need time, and she is ready to accept what I have to say. I often feel that women are waiting for Prince Charming’s words, which are not ours. ”
The opinion of the psychologist: “Speaking with sincerity and authenticity creates a climate of trust that makes the other want to express them. However, it is also important to accept silence: this allows access to a deeper level of listening to oneself (and the other). If he finds himself mute? Ask simple, real questions, while remaining in empathy. Avoid looking for noises! ”
To reassure them
Hugo: “Communication must be fluid! I need things to be said or induced, even if it is not what I want to hear. Nothing more destabilizing than hamburger hours … »
Gilles: “If she is not afraid of my projects and better, that she adheres to it, I will feel in phase. Moreover, that is reassuring. Of course, it must be sincere! ”
Vincent: “Feel that I am always his priority, that she remains attentive. I can not stand the degradation of the relationship, a woman who becomes familiar, sometimes rude, even aggressive. ”
Alain: “Tell me about what to do in retirement! I need to know that she still sees the future with me. ”
The opinion of the psychologist: “Honesty, authenticity, respect! This involves the reciprocal expression of his feelings. Letting hover, sulking for hours or worse, insulting the other puts it under pressure. This is a damaging power take for the couple! “