In love, do the opposites attract each other?: Should it look like his spouse to be happy? In love, do we have to believe “who resembles oneself” or “opposites attract”? The coach responds and decrypts five couples profiles with different characters.
At first, the opposites attract …
Difficulties and obstacles are often essential ingredients of attraction. The more careful a man is, the more he will attract us. Overcoming mountains is never impossible for a woman charmed by a man. Not to agree on everything, to come from different backgrounds and to share divergent opinions are elements that spice up a relationship.
The attraction of opposites is very natural. Who has never wanted to have a romantic relationship with a man so different? There is an adventurous and mysterious side that does not spoil anything … Moreover, also the notion of a challenge! The more inaccessible it is, the more value it has.
It is more exciting than two people born “in the same garden,” who end up together … We all seek a missing half of ourselves, which would complement and compensate for what is missing in us.
… with time, the opposites repel
Spontaneously some of us are looking for a partner that resembles them. The resemblance is, of course, a strong sign of love compatibility. In the first place, more or less consciously, the two partners seek physical similarities.
This is called “homophily,” which means etymologically “who loves what is the same.” In the long term, this is what takes precedence over complementarity.
The key to a successful love story is universal values. You can have two radically opposing personalities, very different interests and yet universal values. That is what’s important.
Are you attracted to an opposing partner? Answer the five key questions to find the love of our spouse, to know which partner is made for you.
The reserved/exuberant couple
Like the famous British couple, Sherlock Holmes and his sidekick, Dr. Watson, most couples attract each other because they possess complementary skills. The prolific likes to take initiatives, he is constantly in action, exteriorizes what he feels and wants to be on the front of the stage. The private one brings calm, control and more reflection. Harmony is guaranteed as long as the exuberant does not crush the reserved one.
The important thing is not to fall into a “dominant / dominated” relationship where one will lose patience with the lack of initiative of the other, and the spouse will feel oppressed.
The balance, therefore, lies in a sound understanding of the other. The exuberant must know how to decode the coded language of the reserved. Everyone must accept the other as he is and remember that this is what attracted them to each other initially.
The couple radin / generous
Why do they get along? Simply because when the spender makes a madness and acts impulsively, the flu-pumps reason. Conversely, the liberal, social, removes the blinders from the misery, often walled in his fear of missing.
This relationship can become embarrassing if it is always the same who pays and the other makes the ostrich. In the long run, the spender could blame the other for being a penny while the miser could reproach him for squandering his pennies in any way. Be careful!
The blessed/fatalistic couple
The education that our parents have given us is a condition of our vision of the world and others. Either one decides to adopt the same view as his parents, or one assumes the opposite.
The fatalistic (pessimistic) feels threatened by the outside world while the (optimistic) blessed sees the world around him as being fundamentally benevolent. Nevertheless, a common ground is possible between the two. The fatalistic will lay limits to warn the optimist while the latter, will make the life of the other more cheerful and push the pessimist to have more audacity.
Beware, however, of the extremes that could lead to a misunderstanding of the other, and that would tend to make the optimist an irresponsible and pessimistic brake on the couple’s plans.
The important thing is to listen to your partner and accept it as it is.
The Manic / Disordered Couple
The maniac lives entirely in perpetual anticipation, which reassures him. As for the “fringe,” he lives in the present, at the moment. One respects the Fa; the other does not. One loves to the ranger, the other hates. The balance thus lies in the acceptance of the other as it is and in the concessions that each one must learn to make.
The dominant / dominated pair
One crashes, the other takes over. There is a balance of power between the two. Balance is only possible here if there is not too much emotional dependence between the spouses, neither on one side nor the other. Otherwise, pay attention to the damage! In this case, the dominant feeds on the fears and anxieties of the dominated, by nature weaker, and derives advantages by imposing and gaining the upper hand. To survive this situation, the dominated must at all costs keep sufficient autonomy not to crack.
The tips of the coach
To have a loving relationship with your dear and hard-hearted, however different, you need essential elements: much understanding, tolerance, intelligence and, above all, much love!
The most important thing is to love someone for what he is: his personality, his character, his values, and so on.
Ideally, one should not have too many resemblances to oneself not to be bored. However, never forget that each story is worth living, as long as there is enough love!