How to overcome a grief of love?
After a long story or a shorter adventure, the sorrows of love can last a long time. However, they often lead to a better life. To help you recover from a disappointment in love, here is the advice of psychologist Yvon Dallaire, author of the book “Healing with a Sorrow of Love”.
A grief of love, it happens to everybody
To leave someone who has been loved or left is an ordeal that is part of life. The first loves are often the most painful, for they are the first ones precisely, and seldom last long!
Later, couples break down more and more often (up to 65% of couples formed after 1990).
How to survive this trauma? For the rupture hurts, especially for the one who is left. It follows a long path of pain before rebuilding itself …
The sorrow of love, an inevitable suffering
Needless to seek to deny it: a grief of love hurts very badly, and this intense suffering can not be erased from one day to the next.
It takes the time to heal: from three to six months for those who have a well-built life (work, friends, children who anchor in daily living) to two or even three years when other difficulties increase the wound. Needless to throw on antidepressants, alcohol or the first partner came to forget as soon as possible: this attitude of fear or denial does not help to heal. On the contrary, it would reinforce dependence on the other.
The four steps to heal from a heartache
At the announcement that the loved one leaves you, the first reaction is often the consideration. Impossible to believe that the other is going away: the shock then gives the impression that everything collapses around and inside of oneself. This is the period of denial.
Little by little, understanding that it is “for good” and that the break is real. Anger and guilt then appear: would not one be guilty of the rupture? Can the other be reconquered?
There are attempts to recover the other, mood swings ranging from anger to sobs that lead to depression. “This new pain of love revives the old and revives infantile traumas of rejection or abandonment so that one can feel that one will never go through mourning.” “Says Yvon Dallaire, author of the book” Healing a Grief of Love “(Jouvence Editions). The phase of depression can last for a long time: from three months to … three or four years, in emotionally dependent people. When this period is too hard to live, the help of a shrink can be helpful.
Time to get out of love sorrow
Time is the best doctor of grief of love. “Slowly reorganizes life according to the loss that one accepts better and better finally but not always, to understand it and even to profit from it. Relapses are increasingly rare, less and less intense until Anger and sadness disappear one day to make room for acceptance. ” “Says Yvon Dallaire.
Say no to nostalgia
Denial, anger, depression, acceptance: in order not to drag along the painful stages of the grief of love, individual attitudes pay.
Be careful first of all to avoid nostalgia. Banish music, places that remind you of happy moments lived together. If one of these memories crosses your mind, try to chase it out of your mind.
At first, when the resemblance resembles obsessional ruminations, you will not succeed. However, comes a time when you can decide to become the mistress of your life again.
“List everything you do not like the other. If necessary, hang it on your refrigerator and check it out when you feel weak.” Advises Yvon Dallaire.
Do you have more free time? Decide what you want to do with it. Take advantage of it to develop a dream activity since childhood, or neglected for a long time. The joy you get from it will give you a source of satisfaction that you can not imagine …
Place a new love!
The lucky ones manage to heal a love by “sublimating”: their energy is invested in art or a humanitarian activity. However, for ordinary mortals, nothing more efficient to cure of a pain of love than a new love! It happens sooner or later when the old wound is well closed …