Couple: understanding and learning how to deal with jealousy: Jealousy is an almost certain feeling during a romantic relationship. Undeniably, this feeling is painful, both for oneself and for the partner who undergoes the various manifestations. Health Passport gives you leads to understand your jealousy and learn how to manage it.
Jealousy: a proof of love?
It is hard to conceive of a love relationship entirely devoid of jealousy. It is not uncommon to think that on the contrary, a person who is not at all jealous does not sincerely like his partner. Because of this, the two feelings are commonly associated.
In fact, jealousy is a response to the threat posed by a third person to a relationship we are attached to. It is the fear of her partner delighted by someone else, and therefore the desire to keep his relationship, which is the source of this feeling. In this sense, jealousy is less a proof of love towards one’s partner than a desire to retain possession of it. If a sense of love often induces, in fact, the instinct of possession, the opposite is not necessarily true, and it is therefore not directly like which explains jealousy.
Jealousy: a natural feeling
Even if the partner can be exasperated by jealousy demonstrations that he can find exaggerated, be aware that jealousy remains an ordinary human feeling.
It happens that it manifests itself from the earliest age when one experiences the sense of exclusivity that binds us to our mother, fear of abandonment, or even jealousy That one can feel at the birth of a little brother or a little sister. It is in this sense a precisely first feeling, strongly linked to childhood, like envy, possessiveness or egoism.
Professor of Psychology AP Buunk distinguished in 1997 three forms of jealousy in the couple:
Reactive jealousy: negative response to the partner’s emotional or sexual engagement with another person.
Preventive jealousy: effort to prevent an intimate contact of the partner with a third person.
Anxious jealousy: obsessive anxiety linked to the possibility of partner infidelity.
The feeling of jealousy may thus present different degrees, depending in particular on the personal experience of each. This presupposes that it can still, in some cases, become pathological, and potentially destructive.
Jealousy: a devastating feeling
Jealousy is an unusually powerful sense. Jealousy of the experiences of many people often coincides with the idea that one is no longer master of his emotions or his actions to the point of believing mad one. In the end, the person who is experiencing crises of jealousy to his partner often comes out devastated.
Jealousy manifests itself in a variety of ways, which seriously undermine the quality of the love relationship: mistrust, surveillance of the partner, interrogations, accusations, behaviors that lead to disputes because they tend to deprive the other of his freedom. These may even turn to dementia if the jealous person does not try to rationalize his feelings, and let overwhelmed by his obsessive thoughts, which are often the primary driver of jealousy.
Thus, if there almost would be impossible not to feel jealous at some point in a relationship, it is important to “educate” this feeling that he would not be fatal to the relationship.
Managing jealousy by accepting to recognize it
Today, jealousy is usually a feeling which we are ashamed, and we try to hide one. To want to deny or repress it tends to give it, even more, importance and generates frustration.
It is, therefore, preferable to try to preserve his partner from possible crises of jealousy by telling him of his discomfort, whether it is about a change in his behavior or his relationships.
Openly discussing Problem with his partner, to find a compromise, is a constructive way to manage his jealousy, as opposed to destructive behaviors, as threatening to end the relationship. The discussions promote the stability of the couple and can even strengthen the ties.
Managing your jealousy by improving self-confidence
One of the first causes of jealousy is a lack of self-esteem. Indeed, the jealous person feels threatened because she is afraid that the rival is more attractive, more intelligent, or has qualities that she does not have.
It is important to try to regain confidence because a lack of self-esteem tends to lead to destructive behavior in the couple. However, most of the time, the jealous person tries to regain faith in him by soliciting more from his partner, by provoking compliments, or even by asking for proofs of love from him. However, this only calms the feeling of insecurity temporarily, and the jealous man will tend to multiply this kind of solicitations to reassure himself, which can, in the long run, annoy the partner.
Finally, it is within oneself that one can have the surest and lasting consciousness of one’s worth and thus regain a sincere self-esteem. By learning to value oneself, one is more likely to trust one’s partner, for one is less liable to be attracted to another person.
Managing his jealousy by rationalizing his instinct for possession
The desire to possess her partner often comes from an erroneous view of the relationship, in which both members are fusional and necessary one for the other in all circumstances. In reality, if each member of the couple brings to each one of the unique things, it is a need to recognize that one can not answer, alone, to all the needs of its partner. It is entirely reasonable for the partner to want to have free activities, going out with his friends or going to see his family, and this personal balance must be respected.
One can go so far as to mention the ideal of a disinterested love, which would content itself with the freedom and happiness of the other, whatever the implications. This is clearly much harder to put into practice, but it is the perfect example of the absence of possessiveness and, consequently, of jealousy.