13 tricks to never do after a breakup (to help you move on to something else)
Whether you have been left with a broken heart, or you have put an end to the relationship, the love break is always difficult. At the time, you may experience a lot of anger and loneliness, but try to stay active. Remember: the light ends up filtering through the cracks of a broken heart. Here’s what our experts advise you to do after a separation.
Never ask for a second chance
Of course, you love your ex, and you are probably still shocked by the breakup, but do not beseech him to come back. “If you want to do so, analyze your motives,” says Jonathan Alpert, psychotherapist and author of Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days. “Do you languish your ex in particular? He asks. Alternatively, the idea of having a partner? ”
Do not be afraid to change perspective
Imagine another end where you are the one who tackles the other rather than the opposite, advises Jonathan Alpert. “Rejected, imagine yourself in the skin of the one who rejects. It will allow you to change dynamics and feel in control rather than as a victim. ” Here are 13 tips to build self-confidence.
Do not go out (and do not get married!) With the first person you meet
It may be tempting to take revenge for wanting to replace the other at the first opportunity, but it is better to resist! “Advises April Masini, a New York relationship, and etiquette specialist. “After a painful break, celibacy is the best way to make sure you do not start a new relationship on a whim, a relationship that would be risky and doomed to failure again,” she continues. Take the time to digest what has just happened to you, understand why things did not occur as you had hoped and thought about what you will do differently next time.
The party yes, but not too much
It is, of course, tempting to drown your grief in alcohol. “Some people will try to prove that they are always attractive and sexy, ” says Jenn Mann, a relationship expert. However, if after a break, you start drinking, flirting and partying, you will neglect the phase of mourning. “If you do not take the time to mourn and do not work on yourself, you can be sure that your next relationship is doomed to failure.
Do not repress your grief
When one has a broken heart, one may be tempted to control one’s pain and sorrow because they do too badly, but you will not be able to recover from a break without going through this phase. “The only way to go from the other side,” says Jenn Mann, “is to face pain, not to avoid it.”
Do not Meditate
Do not succumb to the temptation to speak ill of your ex! “Slander says more about you than about your ex,” says April Masini. It is neither polite nor attractive nor productive. It puts you in the mud, but what you need is to get out of it. Even if you are suffering, try to show greatness by not talking about your ex. The exception to the rule? You can, of course, entrust your family and friends.
Do not overwhelm you with reproaches
Do not be too hard on yourself, advises Guy Winch, psychologist, and collaborator at Psychology Today. “Remember that your ego and your self-esteem are already in tatters, so do not make things worse,” he suggests. Give yourself the same compassion that you would offer to a friend who has just broken. “If you can not get away with it or want to talk to someone who can step back and Know your ex, do not hesitate to consult a psychologist.
Do not stay at home
It is so easy to sink into self-pity and look at your phone every 30 seconds in the hope that your ex-sends you a text message, begging you to get back together. Many experts think that keeping you busy is the best way to get yourself out. ” Find between two and five things you could do every day to get back into the joie de vivre and spend time,” says Bonny Albo, an expert on appointments. Even if it is a bit cliché, staying busy can help and, very soon, you will end up doing so many things you love and that you are passionate that you will not have a second to think about your ex. ”
Do not lose sight of the person you are
Take time for yourself and cultivate your passions as you leave your relationship behind. “Once you have passed the stage of loss, find satisfaction in celibacy and learn to set you apart from this relationship. Follow a course that will value you as a person, recommends Dr. Felicia Pressley, assistant professor in the consulting department of Argosy University. This may be the time to learn a new language, enter a swimming club or take a cooking class, solo! “Perhaps you will make new friends or find your new love In your yoga, cooking or kickboxing class!
Do not seek revenge
It is likely that if you were rejected, you wanted the other to suffer as much as you suffer. You should not try to take revenge on your old flame. There is a line not to cross when a relationship ends: do not spread rumors about it, do not burn the shirt that he or she has left at home, and do not drag the other in the mud On social media. Rather, take the height.
Do not resume contact with another ex
It can be very tempting to reconnect with another ex after a break: you have already experienced a romance with this person, it is familiar to you, and you are burning with desire to connect physically and emotionally while you try to escape. Moreover, then, within you, there is a desire for vengeance against the person who has just broken your heart. Avoid re-engaging with an old flame. It is not for nothing that it is an “ex” or an “ex”: you were not made for each other.
Do not harass your ex on social media
Stop tracking your ex on all social media, and maybe even his friends and family. Removing it from your list of “friends,” or at least making it invisible, can allow you to escape the constant temptation to see if he or she leads a life as sad – or more attractive – than yours. (In any case, your new meringue salsa course is too much for you to devote a second to searching its Facebook page, right?
Do not forget to draw the necessary lessons
“I sincerely believe that no relationship is a waste of time if we learn from it,” says Jenn Mann. Ask yourself: “What have I contributed to the failure of this relationship ?” Alternatively, “How can I become a better or partner ” If you are sincere, you will always reap something in the future? ” Positive of the adventure.