How to make him want to talk about his feelings?: You asked him a question, he answered by the silence … How to interpret it? How to decode his behavior and (better yet) make him want to talk about his feelings? The coach Florence Escaravage delivers you a few keys to decipher the emotions of your partner and get him to want to confide.
Fear of Confessions
To make the first step already requires significant efforts for a man. The man is not only afraid of being rejected that also wonders if his choice is the right one. In fact, it is above all because he is always on the reserve and the doubt inhabits him that he does not yet allow himself to express his feelings adequately. “Is this the right time to confess my feelings to him?” “,” What I feel for her, is it love or only an attraction? “.
Unlike women, men do not allow themselves to be overwhelmed by their feelings because they have always learned to control or repress them. The more he oppresses them, the more his fear grows. If he allowed himself to let his emotions free by taming them, he could accept them more, and thus less fear to express them.
Fear of engaging in a relationship
When the moment comes to get more involved in making the connection concrete, man is assailed by doubts and anxieties. “Is she the woman with whom I should share my life? “Have I not been mistaken?” “,” Do I still have to wait before making my choice .”
Behind these doubts, he fears above all to lose his freedom and his autonomy. Man selects his emotions for fear of showing his vulnerability. In the collective unconscious, man must never show anything (internally and externally) under pain of exposing his weaknesses and of undermining his manhood.
He expresses himself through his actions
Maladroit, modest, men have a hard time expressing their feelings openly. Moreover, besides their inability to express themselves, they do not use the same words to you and interpret situations in different ways.
For example, when it would be simpler for him to say “I love you,” he will give you the keys to his apartment, implying “if I give you the keys to my apartment, ‘Willingly accepts my privacy.’
The man is in action and not in speech, unlike you. Behind his undertones, one must succeed in decoding his real feelings. While you are seeking understanding, attention, and support from your partner, man, on the other hand, thinks he is judged for and on his results. That is why he seeks trust and acceptance from you, encouragement to motivate and surpass himself (for him and you).
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How do they communicate in their relationships with women?
Understanding the feelings of men is also about how they work when they start a conversation or start a relationship. Here are some signs to recognize. Silence is a source of inspiration for man, he “goes into his cave” to solve his problems, to escape his stress. He does not want to be disturbed by his companion in this period of withdrawal.
How many times have you felt this feeling of distance, the fear of losing him? Why does he feel the need to distance himself?
Let’s call it elastic man syndrome: he leaves you momentarily and then finds you again at the moment when he decided it. This way of proceeding corresponds to a need for freedom but also to need to take stock of one’s feelings and to judge their depth.
As soon as the feeling of lack appears, he wants to find his beloved. Strange as it may seem, this passage is necessary for him and ultimately rather reassuring for the sequel. Over time and his confidence, these separations will be less and less long and significant for the couple.
The spirit of man is chiefly synthetic. The people go straight to the point. For them, speech is an instrument for informing and not expressing feelings.
He likes to be autonomous because it is to prove that he is responsible for his choices and that he knows how to assert himself. Although he acts without consulting you, he still seeks your approval because he needs to know that you support him whatever his decision. He acts with precaution as he weighs his words. Each of his gestures will have meaning and value in his eyes. Is it not he who rises in the morning to go to the bakery? Is it not he who keeps the door on your way or who carries the umbrella? When you appreciate all the attentions he carries, he reassures himself by saying, “She loves what I do for her, so I can make her happy.” What he wants most of all and which is a proof of his love: wanting your happiness!
What do they expect from you to surrender?
Often prey to his doubts and uncertainties, man is in a fragile position (which he must not show). Only the admiration he perceives manages to alleviate his fears and to strengthen his love. The man needs to be recognized by his spouse to feel comfortable in his relationship. It is about respecting what he is doing, what decisions he is making or what actions he is undertaking.
Conversely, when you reproach him when you reprove his actions, he feels himself immediately belittled, diminished. From then on, he no longer wanted to surrender. Admired and reassured by his partner on what he represents, doubt has no place in the couple. Trust is mutual, and man can now open.
In summary, to communicate well with a man and to get him to express himself freely and confidently, here are the three necessary steps:
- The first week: You understand why he does not express his feelings clearly
- The second week: You know what listening he expects of you and what messages you have to pass to make him want to confide.
- The Third week: You bring him to indulge with confidence and trust.
We recommend reading the article: Preserving a couple when a man doubts his feelings